Dating Dilemmas
I was at a very interesting soiree the other night (as though they happen at any other time of day) - in which the topic of interest was dating. A friend had decided to write a book on it so off we went to share our opinions and experiences - and of course, eat and drink wine. Lots of wine. A few interesting themes emerged which, me being me, I have to rant about.
1. The willingness of women to completely give up their lives for the (many times infinitesmally small) chance that a MAN will call/ will want to go out/ will think of them and telepathically communicate/ will mention their names in a conversation while watching girlie movies with their buddies - okay I made that last one up. But it's almost true, the way they go on about it - not as a positive thing, but as complaints about what the guy didn't do (repeat above list with "didn't" instead of "will"). I mean, what is it all ABOUT?? Would we do that for our girlfriends? NO! Then why do it for guys? I know the answer (of course) - though it remained unsaid all evening, the silent elephant in the room - women are afraid of being alone. Now let me hasten to add that these particular women are all gutsy, professional, beautiful, highly educated and wouldn't take guff from any OTHER woman or man, unless that man happened to be of romantic interest. Something is just not right there. Or to lounge out of my rigid stance a little, let me say women don't WANT to be alone, regardless of whether they're afraid.
2. Where are the men?! Everyone was perplexed at how there didn't seem to be any "good" men out there. In this case, good means: can form complete sentences, is coomfortable with words of more than one syllable, has a healthy lifestyle and no criminal record, has a job and is funny (someone else said that, not me) They also mentioned that the aforesaid male must have fully functioning ...appendages (children may read this, after all - and if I use the "p" word the IT security guys will start to read this blog). Anyway, the list was longer than that but you get the gist. We weren't thinking of the hunka-hunka fabulously rich SNAG, just normal, nice guys.
We concluded they were all married.
3. How soon to have sex? This one was all over the place. The magic 3rd date myth was summarily exploded, to be replaced by: never on the first date unless you don't really care whether you ever see them again. After that, it's pretty much a free-for-all. Some women thought men valued them more if they "held out" longer (everyone hooted them down - who wants to know that kind of guy?) but most agreed it was just more comfortable to get to know them a bit first.
Anyway, my thoughts through the whole thing were: I can't stand dating. I have only done "real" dates a few times - where you don't really know the person - and felt like I was on display. I kept expecting the guy to check my teeth and hooves to see if I was healthy. Hands off the withers! My long term relationships have been with men who I already knew as friends. So I don't think I've really reached any conclusions about the whole thing. Human relationships are messy at the best of times, and it's useless to try to cross the swamp without encountering a few alligators along the way. Or was it frogs? and what do swamps have to do with it?
1. The willingness of women to completely give up their lives for the (many times infinitesmally small) chance that a MAN will call/ will want to go out/ will think of them and telepathically communicate/ will mention their names in a conversation while watching girlie movies with their buddies - okay I made that last one up. But it's almost true, the way they go on about it - not as a positive thing, but as complaints about what the guy didn't do (repeat above list with "didn't" instead of "will"). I mean, what is it all ABOUT?? Would we do that for our girlfriends? NO! Then why do it for guys? I know the answer (of course) - though it remained unsaid all evening, the silent elephant in the room - women are afraid of being alone. Now let me hasten to add that these particular women are all gutsy, professional, beautiful, highly educated and wouldn't take guff from any OTHER woman or man, unless that man happened to be of romantic interest. Something is just not right there. Or to lounge out of my rigid stance a little, let me say women don't WANT to be alone, regardless of whether they're afraid.
2. Where are the men?! Everyone was perplexed at how there didn't seem to be any "good" men out there. In this case, good means: can form complete sentences, is coomfortable with words of more than one syllable, has a healthy lifestyle and no criminal record, has a job and is funny (someone else said that, not me) They also mentioned that the aforesaid male must have fully functioning ...appendages (children may read this, after all - and if I use the "p" word the IT security guys will start to read this blog). Anyway, the list was longer than that but you get the gist. We weren't thinking of the hunka-hunka fabulously rich SNAG, just normal, nice guys.
We concluded they were all married.
3. How soon to have sex? This one was all over the place. The magic 3rd date myth was summarily exploded, to be replaced by: never on the first date unless you don't really care whether you ever see them again. After that, it's pretty much a free-for-all. Some women thought men valued them more if they "held out" longer (everyone hooted them down - who wants to know that kind of guy?) but most agreed it was just more comfortable to get to know them a bit first.
Anyway, my thoughts through the whole thing were: I can't stand dating. I have only done "real" dates a few times - where you don't really know the person - and felt like I was on display. I kept expecting the guy to check my teeth and hooves to see if I was healthy. Hands off the withers! My long term relationships have been with men who I already knew as friends. So I don't think I've really reached any conclusions about the whole thing. Human relationships are messy at the best of times, and it's useless to try to cross the swamp without encountering a few alligators along the way. Or was it frogs? and what do swamps have to do with it?
posted by zouzou at 3:13 p.m.
3 Comments:
Comments on your comments:
1. I find it *highly* annoying when my chick friends re-arrange their lives for men. That's what voice mail is for! (Besides, you never hear a guy say... "Oh, I can't go play hockey, man... the girl I'm hoping to date might call!" -- As IF!)
2. Are all the "good ones" married? Don't think so... But I do think that as we get older, we get pickier... so logically, we must think... younger! (Ahem!)
3. How soon to have sex? Depends on how many self-help books you've read about how to get a man, I guess. They all say to make him wait until he's sweating bullets.
Personally, I think it has a lot to do with chemistry. I don't have any particular pattern of behaviour at all in that deparment -- I just go with "whatever feels right" -- and believe me, I don't plan on starting to follow any "rules" now!
As for "real dates", what counts as a "real date" anyway these days?!
I throw up when I'm on a date - ergo, I don't date. And you know what? Hasn't led to a decline in the quality of my life. But then again you knew I'd say that ...
Very interesting observations/comments. I think a lot of it depends on what you consider the point of a date. To have a good time, or to start a "relationship"?
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