Reality Ain't what it used to be
I'm feeling quite zoned out these days. I got back from a 8-day Buddhist silent retreat last week and have just not integrated back into my old self. The retreat itself was heaven - no wonder people hang out in nunneries and monkeries (very amusing innovation from an anonymous friend - which really means I can't remember who said it). Someone else told me when to get up, when to eat, when to meditate, when I had free time, and when to sleep. No decisions required except whether to go for a walk or just sit around soaking in the sun during free time. Although it sounds regimented, it was also liberating.
And the SILENCE. sigh. What bliss. I didn't have to acknowledge anyone, I didn't worry about what I looked like (cause no one was looking at me either), and I was completely, absolutely alone, but not really. Investigating reality with seventy people all who may not even exist. Who's to say I didn't just create them in my own head? and of course Buddhism says in an absolute sense (as opposed to relative, subjective) I DO make them all up. I had no way of testing whether those people were there or not. Some of them made comments or asked questions of the lamas, but then so can hallucinations. Fascinating. And even the time-tested reality validation approach of triangulation couldn't be engaged since I couldn't talk to anyone to ask whether that guy in the green shirt really is there or is he not (he didn't say a word all week) I felt like Russell Crowe in a Beautiful Mind. I might have had several imaginary companions and will never know it.
In any event it all has me wondering about blog-world too. Are any blogs really REAL? Probably tons of them aren't real, in the sense that they are mental projections of people who are undoubtedly deluded (aren't we all?) I know I've seen some sites that make me go ewwww, quick, next blog (S, I never did read that site on the fundamentalist christian-"recovering-from-lesbianism" due to aforesaid response when I saw her site). And my site probably makes other people say ewww too. So where does it leave us all? Just dancing the dance of a make-believe world. Could drive me to existential angst, which was the pronouncement of one of the lamas who I DID actually speak with AND touch so hopefully she really exists. I thought I did all that stuff when I was seventeen and stalked dorm hallways muttering "who is John Galt?"
Upshot of the whole thing is that after weeping for two days at the thought of having to return home (yep, believe it!) I girded up my loins, and decided if life is basically a meaningless illusion, then I may as well have fun, and carry on my eccentric ways. After all, I may just be a figment of your imagination.
And the SILENCE. sigh. What bliss. I didn't have to acknowledge anyone, I didn't worry about what I looked like (cause no one was looking at me either), and I was completely, absolutely alone, but not really. Investigating reality with seventy people all who may not even exist. Who's to say I didn't just create them in my own head? and of course Buddhism says in an absolute sense (as opposed to relative, subjective) I DO make them all up. I had no way of testing whether those people were there or not. Some of them made comments or asked questions of the lamas, but then so can hallucinations. Fascinating. And even the time-tested reality validation approach of triangulation couldn't be engaged since I couldn't talk to anyone to ask whether that guy in the green shirt really is there or is he not (he didn't say a word all week) I felt like Russell Crowe in a Beautiful Mind. I might have had several imaginary companions and will never know it.
In any event it all has me wondering about blog-world too. Are any blogs really REAL? Probably tons of them aren't real, in the sense that they are mental projections of people who are undoubtedly deluded (aren't we all?) I know I've seen some sites that make me go ewwww, quick, next blog (S, I never did read that site on the fundamentalist christian-"recovering-from-lesbianism" due to aforesaid response when I saw her site). And my site probably makes other people say ewww too. So where does it leave us all? Just dancing the dance of a make-believe world. Could drive me to existential angst, which was the pronouncement of one of the lamas who I DID actually speak with AND touch so hopefully she really exists. I thought I did all that stuff when I was seventeen and stalked dorm hallways muttering "who is John Galt?"
Upshot of the whole thing is that after weeping for two days at the thought of having to return home (yep, believe it!) I girded up my loins, and decided if life is basically a meaningless illusion, then I may as well have fun, and carry on my eccentric ways. After all, I may just be a figment of your imagination.
posted by zouzou at 2:53 p.m.
3 Comments:
IF you are a figment of my imgaination, then you are a delightful figment that I would rather like to enjoy for a long time to come. I'm happy in my deluded world, if that's the case.
I think it's important to keep everything in perspective... too much of a good thing can upset the universal apple cart, so to speak...
Welcome back to the reality of home. We missed you and are glad you are back.
I envy you that silence. I hope you managed to bring a little back with you. (Is that why you went?)
No, I went for the meditation and the spirituality. The silence was a welcome friend. I embrace silence as much as I can in daily life - my house is silent, I don't have a TV or radio on as a default noise maker. I don't watch TV unless I rent a movie, I don't even listen to music all that much, maybe once a week? So the ipod craze has passed me by.
Not to say I don't LIKE those things, I just prefer not to have them blaring away... I can hear the birds outside that way, and the neighbour's dog objecting to some passerby, or the neighborhood kids playing in the park. Much more attractive serenade, to my ears.
Post a Comment
<< Home