Slave-Drivers aren't ALL bad
Had my first-ever personal training session last night. L showed up with an exercise ball in one hand and a clip board in the other. I tried throwing out a few decoys: "oh, have you seen the darling night light I bought for junior?" and "Can you believe I have these hedgehog chocolates and I still haven't eaten them!" and "I'm feeling a bit tired tonight..." -- but she was having none of it. "Yeah, that's nice Z. where's the workout area?" I could see she was Focused. Bitch. I hated her already. Off we staggered downstairs to where I had hastily vacuumed and mopped a clean spot in the disaster that passes for my basement rumpus room (I can't bring myself to call it the "home entertainment room" - that would mean it has Status and needs to be Regularly Cleaned).
She is very clever, I have to say - she started off with an innocuous "Let's start off with a warm-up: Why don't you do 5 minutes on the elliptical?" About a minute later, the whining began. "Do I have to do 5 minutes? isn't 2 enough?... my legs are a bit sore... I think I'm going to have trouble walking tomorrow". Needless to say, none of it worked. It was 5 whole minutes (at the non-programmed, zero resistance level). I got off feeling a bit disgruntled. The Princess Act was Not Working. I threw a few dirty looks her way. She beamed happily back at me.
We moved on to floor exercises, which were finely calculated to turn my muscles into wibbly bits - "okay lie down, put your legs up on this ball, lift one leg into the air, and lift the rest of your body sideways onto your first three finger tips while doing a hula-hoop movement". Okay, maybe they weren't quite that complicated but L's favorite expression is "let's add a little interest to this!" and I'm thinking "I'm INTERESTED ALREADY, and if I have to move one more body part my sadly taxed brain cells are going to have a seizure!" --kind of like when your mom said your face would freeze if you practiced too many wierd contortions with it. As a kid. I don't do that anymore. Really.
In short, the cacophony was deafening (is that redundant?) between my whining about how many reps I'd REALLY done (she can count and make chatty comments all at the same time), her exhaustingly enthusiastic count-downs, and the two cats insisting I hadn't fed them enough supper. To top it all off, she insisted on doing every exercise twice which was really very mean, I thought. After all, I was already pathetically flailing around trying to do one set without bursting any blood vessels or having a cardiac arrest.
At the end of it all I was convinced I'd be in a body cast before the next day was out, but she was heartless. "So, you'll do this two more times before we get together next week, right? Oh, and make sure you do a half hour on the elliptical too!" She bounced (and I staggered) back upstairs and in a moment of utter insanity I agreed to do it all again next week.
So far I'm still mobile, and every muscle in my body is NOT in a spasm. I don't understand it.
She is very clever, I have to say - she started off with an innocuous "Let's start off with a warm-up: Why don't you do 5 minutes on the elliptical?" About a minute later, the whining began. "Do I have to do 5 minutes? isn't 2 enough?... my legs are a bit sore... I think I'm going to have trouble walking tomorrow". Needless to say, none of it worked. It was 5 whole minutes (at the non-programmed, zero resistance level). I got off feeling a bit disgruntled. The Princess Act was Not Working. I threw a few dirty looks her way. She beamed happily back at me.
We moved on to floor exercises, which were finely calculated to turn my muscles into wibbly bits - "okay lie down, put your legs up on this ball, lift one leg into the air, and lift the rest of your body sideways onto your first three finger tips while doing a hula-hoop movement". Okay, maybe they weren't quite that complicated but L's favorite expression is "let's add a little interest to this!" and I'm thinking "I'm INTERESTED ALREADY, and if I have to move one more body part my sadly taxed brain cells are going to have a seizure!" --kind of like when your mom said your face would freeze if you practiced too many wierd contortions with it. As a kid. I don't do that anymore. Really.
In short, the cacophony was deafening (is that redundant?) between my whining about how many reps I'd REALLY done (she can count and make chatty comments all at the same time), her exhaustingly enthusiastic count-downs, and the two cats insisting I hadn't fed them enough supper. To top it all off, she insisted on doing every exercise twice which was really very mean, I thought. After all, I was already pathetically flailing around trying to do one set without bursting any blood vessels or having a cardiac arrest.
At the end of it all I was convinced I'd be in a body cast before the next day was out, but she was heartless. "So, you'll do this two more times before we get together next week, right? Oh, and make sure you do a half hour on the elliptical too!" She bounced (and I staggered) back upstairs and in a moment of utter insanity I agreed to do it all again next week.
So far I'm still mobile, and every muscle in my body is NOT in a spasm. I don't understand it.
posted by zouzou at 9:35 a.m.
3 Comments:
Welcome to the world of personal training!
Your entry made me bust a gut laughing! (A gut that still needs copious amounts of toning, I might add...)
I may have to blog about your blog... I just have so much to say about it!
Anyway, rock on, girl! See you at the gym tomorrow!
You said "rumpus room"... I'm speechless. I thought we were the only family to ever have used that reference!
...speaking of reference:
RUMPUS ROOM: n : a recreation room for noisy activities (parties or children's play etc)
hmm... "work out" is synonymous with "recreation", right?
I have an idea that may help you with giving some status to that room of rumpus - seeing as you have more reason to... rumpus! Have a friend over to help you - as in personal training, your friend won't let you off the hook. Slowly and carefully go through each piece of clutter asking the questions:
What is this for?
When did I last use this?
Where's that second box of Hefty-Hefty Cinch-Saks?
Keep the faith - the triggers are different, the emotions are the same.
so gald you enjoyed it! I really like it, and was happy to share...
now I get to make another! I wonder how this one will go... :)))
mystery fruitcake!
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