nasal vagaries
My nose is on a rampage. It may be due to pregnancy but I secretly suspect it just got tired of identifying smells, day after day, and has decided to be a little more creative. Take, for example, my disturbing conversation with my nose earlier today:
I was going up the escalator at lunch and was about three steps down from the woman in front of me. She had on the accepted Corporate Slave uniform, carried the standard issue purse and seemed quite innocuous. Unfortunately, three steps was just the right distance, altitude-wise, to place her bum at the same level as my nose. Weren't we just about a third up when this...SMELL... came wafting through the air.
Nose: EWWWW!!! SHE FARTED!!! She FARTED on the ESCALATOR!!
Z: What nonsense. (delicately waves hand in front of face) it's just the smell of cooking from the deli.
Nose: I KNOW a FART when I smell one, and that there is a FART!!!
Z: If it was one, we would have left it behind by now.
Nose: NO, this is a FOLLOWING FART!! It's stuck to you now, you're Soooo Dead. Just wait till you get into the office!
Z: Stop it. you're being an idiot.
Nose: FART, FART, FART, FART, FART!!!!
At this point I realized that my Nose had developed Attitude. As we disembarked from the escalator I also noticed the woman was carrying take-out food, and connected the dots. The smell was actually... Broccoli. Yes, broccoli, cooked in a particular way with particular sauce (I suspect it was beef and broccoli from the chinese place) - apparently, to belligerent noses, can smell like ... well, you get the drift.
I was going up the escalator at lunch and was about three steps down from the woman in front of me. She had on the accepted Corporate Slave uniform, carried the standard issue purse and seemed quite innocuous. Unfortunately, three steps was just the right distance, altitude-wise, to place her bum at the same level as my nose. Weren't we just about a third up when this...SMELL... came wafting through the air.
Nose: EWWWW!!! SHE FARTED!!! She FARTED on the ESCALATOR!!
Z: What nonsense. (delicately waves hand in front of face) it's just the smell of cooking from the deli.
Nose: I KNOW a FART when I smell one, and that there is a FART!!!
Z: If it was one, we would have left it behind by now.
Nose: NO, this is a FOLLOWING FART!! It's stuck to you now, you're Soooo Dead. Just wait till you get into the office!
Z: Stop it. you're being an idiot.
Nose: FART, FART, FART, FART, FART!!!!
At this point I realized that my Nose had developed Attitude. As we disembarked from the escalator I also noticed the woman was carrying take-out food, and connected the dots. The smell was actually... Broccoli. Yes, broccoli, cooked in a particular way with particular sauce (I suspect it was beef and broccoli from the chinese place) - apparently, to belligerent noses, can smell like ... well, you get the drift.
posted by zouzou at 3:14 p.m.
2 Comments:
You are hilarious! Have I mentioned that lately?
So... you mean to say that the fart smell was actually a dark green veg that's supposed to be good for you? (It's never been one of my favorites, so I especially enjoyed your post.)
Welcome back to the blog-o-sphere, by the way. Missed ya while you were gone.
Time for lunch... Chinese, anyone?
I so don't think I should be near you right now .....far too many vile, noxious gases emanating from my body. No, wait, that's the asparagus. Sorry.
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