Boulders, Stones, or pebbles?
A couple of pals and I forayed into the Land of Sports Bra Fitting this weekend. I'd seen an advertisement in the local fitness mag about sportsbras.ca, a local outfit who ...er.. outfit women with bras. After variously cajoling and coercing friends, acquaintances and the odd passerby to come with us, we three stalwarts set off to the Far North East (well it FEELS like another country sometimes) to be Fitted.
I can't say my girls were thrilled at the thought of a bra fitting. Usually they're quite happy to be out on day passes on Saturdays, Sundays, and evenings, but with the impending arrival of Junior they've plumped up quite a bit and are a little too...forward... to be taken into public untethered. They just don't understand the concept of "shy and retiring" and tend to bounce around, wanting to look at this, touch that, chat with the cute guy in the grocery store. You know how it is.
Once we got there we were greeted by two formidable Bras hung at eye level on the far wall: one pair was the size of two-ton boulders, the other pair could have comfortably fit only golf balls. It takes all kinds, and this store apparently stocked them.
Two equally formidable but friendly women (they were hockey players who, oddly enough didn't have mullets), greeted us and immediately asked us what sport we were into. S. could legitimately say she was a runner, and J. could legitimately say she was thinking of training for a 5k in the spring. Yours truly, on the other hand, could confess only to being a dedicated C.P. (couch potato) - one training session does not an athlete make. I mumbled something about "maternity?" and "weekend support?" and smiled hopefully. They looked at me pityingly and launched immediately into Athletics Conversations with my two companions.
Apparently the secret to a good sports bra is:
1. Find one about two rib sizes tighter than the ones you normally wear and at least one cup size smaller. Apparently most women wear bras that are too big - if they ride up in the back, they're the wrong size.
2. If it's harder to breathe, you've made a good start.
3. The kind that cross over in the back and have rebar inserts are the best to ensure No Movement Whatsoever.
4. The girls will complain. One bra we tried on (we all HAD to, it is the reigning Queen of Sports Bras and one does not refuse an Invitation from the Queen) was made so you did up the two lower front hooks, bent over, squished in the girls and then did up the rest. Once it's on, however, it's heaven. Except for the breathing part. But apparently when you're "in the zone" working out, you tend to forget minor points like breathing.
5. Bring friends with you when you go, and make a private appointment if you can. It's way more fun, and you can prance around sharing the good, the bad and the ugly. Wine or martinis to bolster (hee hee) one's courage are probably not a bad idea either if there is a convenient watering hole on the way.
I did end up finding a couple of weekend bras - which, apparently most people don't have, so I'd better explain: weekend bras are Not Serious. They have no underwire, no extra padding to hide obstreperous nipples, and no fancy lace (unless they're Saturday Night bras, which are a whole other story, the little hussies). They are, in short, mere Supports rather than Items of Armour worn against Wandering Eyeballs in the mostly-male environment in which I work.
They say men think of sex every 10 seconds. I can personally attest that it is at least that often, and is likely to occur more often than that when a) any woman walks into their office or meeting room, b) any woman shifts in her chair c) any woman passes their field of view, d) extrapolate freely from here. I don't think it's a lewd thing most of the time, though I have met those too. Mostly, it's just a one-track mind. Poor things. The well-bred ones do it with highly specialized peripheral vision. The stupid ones glance or talk directly at the girls. In any case I try not to encourage their speculative musings on my breasts (yes, they do speculate, and have admitted to it in various states of inebriation).
Oops, I think I've ranted into another topic. Back to bras: if you're jiggling when you work out, GO GET A BETTER BRA. I've seen women running on the path whose girls were doing trapeze artist imitations as they went. Not only is it distracting to avoid them as they swing by your face, I can't believe it isn't painful. And according to the Bra Shop women, the damage to your breast tissue is irreversible unless you're into expensive surgery.
So, now that we've Been and Come Back Again, and our girls are appropriately attired, we're awash in business cards to hand out to all and sundry. My own girls are cozy, though somewhat grumpy at the lack of profile. I keep telling them to wait for Baby, they'll be out and about with their own little front doors...
I can't say my girls were thrilled at the thought of a bra fitting. Usually they're quite happy to be out on day passes on Saturdays, Sundays, and evenings, but with the impending arrival of Junior they've plumped up quite a bit and are a little too...forward... to be taken into public untethered. They just don't understand the concept of "shy and retiring" and tend to bounce around, wanting to look at this, touch that, chat with the cute guy in the grocery store. You know how it is.
Once we got there we were greeted by two formidable Bras hung at eye level on the far wall: one pair was the size of two-ton boulders, the other pair could have comfortably fit only golf balls. It takes all kinds, and this store apparently stocked them.
Two equally formidable but friendly women (they were hockey players who, oddly enough didn't have mullets), greeted us and immediately asked us what sport we were into. S. could legitimately say she was a runner, and J. could legitimately say she was thinking of training for a 5k in the spring. Yours truly, on the other hand, could confess only to being a dedicated C.P. (couch potato) - one training session does not an athlete make. I mumbled something about "maternity?" and "weekend support?" and smiled hopefully. They looked at me pityingly and launched immediately into Athletics Conversations with my two companions.
Apparently the secret to a good sports bra is:
1. Find one about two rib sizes tighter than the ones you normally wear and at least one cup size smaller. Apparently most women wear bras that are too big - if they ride up in the back, they're the wrong size.
2. If it's harder to breathe, you've made a good start.
3. The kind that cross over in the back and have rebar inserts are the best to ensure No Movement Whatsoever.
4. The girls will complain. One bra we tried on (we all HAD to, it is the reigning Queen of Sports Bras and one does not refuse an Invitation from the Queen) was made so you did up the two lower front hooks, bent over, squished in the girls and then did up the rest. Once it's on, however, it's heaven. Except for the breathing part. But apparently when you're "in the zone" working out, you tend to forget minor points like breathing.
5. Bring friends with you when you go, and make a private appointment if you can. It's way more fun, and you can prance around sharing the good, the bad and the ugly. Wine or martinis to bolster (hee hee) one's courage are probably not a bad idea either if there is a convenient watering hole on the way.
I did end up finding a couple of weekend bras - which, apparently most people don't have, so I'd better explain: weekend bras are Not Serious. They have no underwire, no extra padding to hide obstreperous nipples, and no fancy lace (unless they're Saturday Night bras, which are a whole other story, the little hussies). They are, in short, mere Supports rather than Items of Armour worn against Wandering Eyeballs in the mostly-male environment in which I work.
They say men think of sex every 10 seconds. I can personally attest that it is at least that often, and is likely to occur more often than that when a) any woman walks into their office or meeting room, b) any woman shifts in her chair c) any woman passes their field of view, d) extrapolate freely from here. I don't think it's a lewd thing most of the time, though I have met those too. Mostly, it's just a one-track mind. Poor things. The well-bred ones do it with highly specialized peripheral vision. The stupid ones glance or talk directly at the girls. In any case I try not to encourage their speculative musings on my breasts (yes, they do speculate, and have admitted to it in various states of inebriation).
Oops, I think I've ranted into another topic. Back to bras: if you're jiggling when you work out, GO GET A BETTER BRA. I've seen women running on the path whose girls were doing trapeze artist imitations as they went. Not only is it distracting to avoid them as they swing by your face, I can't believe it isn't painful. And according to the Bra Shop women, the damage to your breast tissue is irreversible unless you're into expensive surgery.
So, now that we've Been and Come Back Again, and our girls are appropriately attired, we're awash in business cards to hand out to all and sundry. My own girls are cozy, though somewhat grumpy at the lack of profile. I keep telling them to wait for Baby, they'll be out and about with their own little front doors...
posted by zouzou at 2:36 p.m.
5 Comments:
Isn't it intersting that a GUY is the first to comment on this post! All I really want to say is that I find your posts amusing. You always put a comical spin on your message - makes for a light-hearted read, thank you! As for my thougt on sports bras... um... better you than me!
Oh dear. My girls and I seem to have been living exclusively on Weekend time, which explains my intense dislike of work of any shape or form. Another good reason not to join the burgeoning Workout Brigade - no money for new bras. Yea, that's a good excuse ...
TG: yeah, my life is an unending comedy. What can one do but laugh? Glad to hear it's amusing to others too!
B: yay to weekend wear! and if you're lucky enough to not need the armour-all, good on ya!
You're hilarious! Hopefully you will uplift many with that post.
This is all good info to have. I've long been considering gaining a few hundred pounds simply to grow a nice set of man-boobs, but I've always hesitated because I didn't know how to find a decent man bra.
This helps immensely. Ponderosa, here I come!!
Post a Comment
<< Home