Saturday, April 29, 2006

February?! did that happen? I just realized my last post was in FEBRUARY. I don't even know where to begin with this post, quite a bit has happened in my life. The biggest thing is I'm now a mother. As of March 31, to be precise. My little bundle of joy is currently grunting happily in his cradle, trying to decide whether he has gas or needs to toot. Probably both. Would that those were the biggest issues in my life too! I'm feeling really disjointed and isolated these days, caught between dirty diapers and fur-bunnies (from the cats, not the kid).

Life has indeed changed, as everyone said it would, and as I knew it would. However, intellectually understanding something, and even emotionally wanting it, is not the same as living the experience. My lifeworld, as the ed philosophers like to say, has been reframed radically and I almost can't read my environment any more. Mostly, though, these troubling realizations are transitory. I feel it when I realize I have no conversation left, or when I listen to the news on the radio and what is "old" news is still new, so to speak, to my ears.

I love hormones. I actually CAN spend an hour without knowing it, watching the baby sleep. Astonishing to my previous self, and a routine occurrence to the me-that-is.

Ah well. Samuel is already 4 weeks old, and a happy, good baby. If he continues to sleep at this time of day I may be able to post more often. Oddly enough, it helps me feel as though I'm still a thinking, thoughtful being rather than a human cow with automatic diaper-changing abilities.