Thursday, March 31, 2011

Day 11: Chastisements

BMI: 22.6

I got rid of a whopping 1.5 lbs of fat yesterday, according to the scale. I went for a session with the trainer this morning only to get an earful of how I'm starving myself and HCG doesn't work and bla bla bla. It's quite frustrating, I will have to tell him I really don't want to hear any more of his opinion - I even sent him the Dr Simeon manuscript but he still discounts it. I think people with a scientific mind are naturally inclined to dislike or discount everything on sight.

The thing that bothers me more than his opinion is what it implies about my judgement: does he really think I'd be willing to subject myself to (his implied) starvation just to lose a few pounds? Or that I would engage in an activity I haven't thoroughly researched? Sheesh. He obviously doesn't know of my ongoing love affair with food.

Where was I? oh yes, yesterday I was given a stern talking to by the Program Director (PD) for trying to get creative with the eating regimen:

PD (looking at food diary): so, it says here you had chutney, what's that?
Me (chirpily): oh, I got this fabulous recipe - it's got mint, onion, garlic and jalapenos. It's divine!
PD: ...mmm hmmm. So, let's look at your list of acceptable food. Where do you see jalapenos?
Me (long pause): oh. well. you know I kind of lumped it in as a herb...sort of... (sheepish look)
PD: ...mmm hmmm. and what does it say right below your list of acceptable food?
Me (another long pause): umm. well. "If it isn't on the list don't eat it"
PD: ...mmm hmmm. Do you really want to spend 26 days and a boat load of money doing this only to end up getting less than fabulous results?
Me (small voice): umm, no? 
PD: damn right! so WTF are you doing?! Get your head in the zone! You can do it! Just DO WHAT THE PROGRAM SAYS!!!

...or something along those lines. I'm pretty sure she didn't say WTF but I'm equally sure she was thinking it.

I think I'm congenitally incapable of following simple rules. Anyone who's watched me fill out a form will be able to attest to the veracity of my statement. Anyway, she was right so I've pulled up my britches, girded my loins and greased my elbows, I'm sticking to the plan! Thank God for Frank's Hot Sauce. FRANK I LOVE YOU!!!!!

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Day 9: Whew...sort of

BMI: 22.9

Oh. My. God! One measley little half cup of rice and my weight loss stalls for a day. AND I only lost 1/2 pound yesterday. I can't believe it. Somehow I just didn't believe deviating from the regimen would have such an immediate impact. Actually per my usual Modus Operandi I thought it would happen to OTHER people, not me ;)

Sheesh. Now the Program Director says it could take up to 3 days for my metabolism to adjust again. AAARGH. make that a double AAARGH. It's kind of like in Barney's Version when he has drunken sex with that bar hussy and then has to pay for it for the rest of his life. I mean, what an idiot. I'm not sure whether he was more of an idiot to cheat, or to tell his wife he did. I think Europeans are way more practical about these things. We like to get all high and mighty about momentary lapses of sanity. Everyone's human, everyone does dumb things. I think if he repeatedly cheated that would be different. Oops I'm wandering off. Back to me and my ASB (aforementioned Apple Strudel Belly)

I had a royal rant from my kinesiologist this morning, about how I'll waste away and lose all my muscle mass on this diet. yadda yadda yadda. He totally is against it but he doesn't really know how it works. I sent him Dr Simeon's manuscript in case he wants to learn more about it.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Day 7: Carousing with Carbs

BMI: 23.0

Yay no nausea. Also no vein puncture: there must be a correlation. I'll be thinking mud produces frogs next. I fell off the wagon today - an entire 1/2 cup of spicy rice at my mom's. AND an extra wasa cracker. I'm skipping my 1/2 fruit snack after supper to try to counteract the rice but only time will tell - and the scale tomorrow morning!

I confess to sneaking peeks in the mirror to see if I look any different. I don't really feel different but I think I look different. I need to grab coffee with someone I haven't seen in a while and see if they notice. Qualifier: coffee with someone who notices appearances. It better not be anyone like me - I never notice a few pounds here and there on other people.  

What else can I confess to? I'm still hungry. Not starving, just snakky. I have to really work hard every day to not stray and it's WAY harder at home when I'm surrounded by food options. Not unhealthy ones (except for the cheezies that are still leering at me suggestively) but just lots of stuff I can't eat. Carrots. Eggs. Toast. Cereal. Who ever thought I'd get nostalgic about cereal. Oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, which were a Serious Tactical Error - I bought them at Superstore for the kids but.... they're just lying around flaunting their deliciousness. I'm looking forward to work!

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Day 6: Puky and Tempted

BMI: 23.1

It was my son's birthday party today. I decided rather than outright cheating, I'd provide myself with a little leeway by stockpiling 1/2 a fruit and doubling up on the wasa cracker. I cracked open my mom's cookbook and found a fabulous mint chutney with jalapenos and onions and (you guessed it) mint. YUM. That and Frank's hot sauce have been life savers.

So while I looked longingly at the cupcakes, cheezies and juice, I didn't actually eat any of it, if you don't count a couple of random licks of icing. It was HARD. really hard. I love cheezies. I LOVE cheezies. *sigh*  I dutifully ate my (extra) wasa with aforesaid chutney and a few strawberries. I may pay for it tomorrow, but I will view it as sacrifice in the line of dutiful motherhood.

Felt puky again this morning, though I managed to hold onto my breakfast. My personal theory is I accidentally inject into a vein and have the resulting blast of hormones in one shot, which makes me nauseated. The Dr said its unlikely because I only get 125 mcg per shot which is almost nothing.

All things considered I am pretty thrilled with results so far.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Day 5: Random thoughts

BMI: 23.4

I saw the Dr. this morning, he says he thinks the nausea yesterday was due to my body getting rid of toxins in general, and then I had more than one cup of coffee which put me over the edge (I only ever have one cup in the morning).

In any case it's all gone now, no more queasiness. Apparently other women have experienced this although it's rare. Also another tidbit: men lose weight faster than women when they're on this diet! Something to do with greater muscle mass requiring more calories.

Food is tasting...tastier. Somehow when I'm only eating one breadstick or Melba toast, it tastes REALLY good. I try to make it last as long as possible. And last nights' spinach, onions and garlic with grilled halibut was divine. Actually the meal sizes are fine for me, the in between snakks are what kills me. I am accustomed to eating significantly five or six times a day. No wonder I'm feeling the pain of reducing those.

It's all good! Oh, except for the blinding headache I got last night - sugar withdrawal, I don't doubt. It's gone now.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Day 4: Misplaced guts

BMI: 23.6 - yay!

I feel WAY better today. That sensation of hollowness and an annoyed empty stomach has gone away. Unfortunately it's been replaced by nausea. Per the diet, I tried to eat 1/2 an orange this morning, but it refused. Or my stomach refused. In any case the two parted ways shortly after ingestion.

So there I was, puking my guts out behind the car on the way to the day home. Luckily there wasn't much to get rid of - I wonder if my dosage is a bit high. I know this is a pregnancy hormone but morning sickness is going a bit too far! I'll call Ashley (technician) today.

So far the most difficult thing has been eating 2 cups of vegetables twice a day - that's 4 cups of veggies! I don't have anything against veggies, but downing 2 cups of a single veggie is just plain boring. If the calories don't get me, the boredom will.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011


The truth on Splenda, maybe that's why I haven't been able to lose this weight - I've been pounding back the splenda, thinking it was "safe". I'm going home to throw out all the splenda in the house!

Ack! Stevia

The Stevia I bought has SUGAR in it!!!! Shrieks of dismay. I luckily read the little packet label before I'd had very much - though I did feel amazed at how sugary it seemed...

Day 3: Empty, not hungry

BMI: 24.0

Okay, I'm into the main restricted calorie phase as of this morning. I dutifully TRIED to eat major fat for the past 2 days but despite concerted effort, couldn't eat very much at one time. Most of the banana cream pie is still in the fridge. I did manage to choke down a teen burger and onion rings (more fat, less carbs than fries) for lunch and had a fried egg and toast for breakfast, slathered in margarine. Too bad it was the healthy olive oil kind. Dinner was mostly banana cream pie.

I even got up in the middle of the night on Monday to eat crackers loaded with mayo. All the literature cautions that the loading phase has to be done seriously. I must say I haven't had great success in finding fatty foods without sugar - I missed out on having bacon which would be a good candidate.

So far so good. My stomach is wondering what the hell happened, and where is Second Breakfast ?! (Usually at 9:30 I eat a snakky of some kind). So instead of doing that I nibbled into a few bites of my tomatoes and shrimp cheviche lunch. At 10 I get a melba toast which was entirely NOT enough, I could eat a few more of those. I am going to make some tea with stevia to wash it down.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Questions, questions, questions!

A lot of the sites out there are crap, or merely repeat excerpts from Dr Simeon's original manuscript.

These sites explained the diet in an original way that made sense to me

Monday, March 21, 2011

...and she's off! Day 1

Woo hoo! I just stuck myself with a needle. Right in my thigh. AND I watched the whole thing. (insert french accent) Incroyable! Actually it was pretty much a non-event - thanks Judy for regularly sticking me full of pins, I barely blinked when I saw this syringe - it's about the size of an acupuncture needle. I was hoping it would be sub-cutaneous so I could slide it under the skin but no, it's intra-muscular. So it goes about 1/2 inch straight into my leg. Still, it felt rather anti-climactic. I didn't even get queasy or see spots like I usually do before I pass out.

SO, counting today as Day 1, my hormone levels will stage up until Wednesday when I can officially start the Low Calorie phase. Until then, I eat like a maniac! Really. It's part of the diet.

For 2 days I eat as much fatty food as humanly possible. Then, when the hormone levels are ramped up, I stop eating my usual amount of food, which sends the signal to metabolize my fat. The body starts with the fat I've stockpiled for the first 2 days, and then moves onto my "long term deposits" stashed in embarrassing places around my body. At any given time, I have 2000-4000 calories of my own fat circulating in my blood stream. So, typically people feel totally full of energy, are in glowing health, and are not hungry - no need to eat when I'll be awash in my own blubber. So to speak.

According to the Tech, a difficult hurdle might be getting over my sugar addiction - that may take up to 4 days I think she said.

I've started with a Timmie's English Toffee and a chocolate donut. Oops. Did she say something about sugar? I already feel stuffed silly. And I'll be going out for dinner too. WITH dessert. I think I'll have eggs and bacon for breakfast. La la la.

On your mark! Get Set!

I've managed to completely relinquish all self control for the past few days, in the name of having my last hurrah before the eating stops. I've noshed my way through almost 8 pieces of fudge (yum) and have been eating full suppers. yoicks. Then I went to my mom's for lunch yesterday and ate insane amounts of food. The whole psychology of eating is fascinating. I don't eat for comfort, I don't eat emotionally, and I don't eat when I'm full. I tend to eat badly mostly when I'm bored. Bored, or in the vicinity of tempting food. What's a girl to do if there's a whole TRAY of fudge leering at her from the counter??

I'm meeting the diet tech this afternoon to learn the procedure and, I assume, how to inject myself (zoicks) with the hormones. I sure hope she has a 24x7 support plan for the wimps like me. As in "help I fainted trying to stick the needle in, what do I do now?" or "help I'm hungry!" or "help I have to visit my mom!"

Anyone who knows my past history of fainting for no reason whatever, will doubtless be shaking their head about now. Never fear, if I can't watch myself stick a needle in I'll just jam it into my butt! AND I won't be able to see the needle! Butts are very forgiving of injustices.  After all we sit on them all day, what's a needle or two? ...or twenty-six? ...gulp. 

I think the most worrying thing is that I won't be able to eat very much. I've never done that before. One of the guys at kung fu fasts once a week. My Aji (grandmother) used to do that too. Moi, not so much.

Friday, March 18, 2011

To the Blocks...

Okay, here we go. For the record, I'm not overweight, I'm just inching toward it. Teetering.  Current BMI: 24.9

25 is overweight according to this site-

Target BMI: 20 (Healthy BMI is between 18-24.9)

Activity: Currently I do Kung Fu 3x week, and work out 5x week - 3 light, 2 heavy workouts.  I don't monitor my eating beyond occasionally thinking "wow, that brownie must have been a total fat bomb, it sure tasted good!"

Apparently I have reduced my body fat proportion from 35% to 30% using this regime which translates to about 8 pounds of fat converted to 5 pounds of muscle. It turns out that the fat conversion thing isn't nearly as satisfying unless I can SEE the difference. As of today, all my clothes fit the same AND I weigh the same. I'm going to focus on BMI to take the pressure off losing weight.

Here's the manuscript that Dr. Simeons wrote, called "Pounds and Inches" which outlines his research and observations, as well as the diet I'll be following.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011


I think I woke up, about a month ago. I suddenly have complete sentences coming out of my mouth, I can read an entire newspaper article without losing focus, and talk radio (or almost anything else) no longer puts me instantaneously to sleep. (I once fell fast asleep on the masseuse's table and drooled all over her carpet through the little face-hole thing. It was screamingly funny at the time but now I'm not so sure).

Friends have called it baby fog, though for me it's taken almost four years to disperse - Samuel's 5th birthday is at the end of this month. Somehow he's managed to grow all his baby teeth, sprout to 42 inches tall, and develop an affinity for mechanical objects, all without any prompting on my part. I think I may have had a small hand in the growth part, what with feeding him and all.

And he'll be going to kindergarten this fall. When did THAT happen? And, the million dollar question is, where was I while it was happening??? I'm glad I've got blurry photographs (don't ask) of most of it, or I'd start to question my own sanity. Mind you, I'm not IN most of the pictures, so it could be pure fantasy. Except there is the undeniable fact that I have an almost-5 year old living in my house.

To my dismay, while in the aforementioned fog I appear to have grown a beer belly. Without the - mandatory, you'd assume - consumption of copious quantities of beer. The indignity of it all. I mean, it's not as if I even LIKE beer.

Maybe it's a wine belly. Or an apple strudel belly. Or maybe all that girls' night junk food has decided to move in with me. Whatever it is, I've been trying - and failing - to get rid of it for about a year now. In fact I've been trying to get rid of it for probably about four years. Maybe there's a causal relationship between baby fog and apple-strudel belly. Mindless mastication syndrome.

Where was I? oh yes, belly. So here I am, increasingly frustrated with my incalcitrant belly. I'm like that movie where the evil roommate tries to take over the woman's life and then murder her. Except of course, my evil roommate happens to be Apple Strudel Belly. I just have an uneasy feeling that things are Not As They Should Be.

So here's what I'm going to do: pump myself with hormones, stop eating and live off my fat for a month. It's called the HCG diet, and I'm going to be the resident guinea pig. Each day I'll report on my progress - or lack thereof - and when it comes time to tally the results I'll have a blow-by-blow rendition of the whole experience.